Do You Want To Be Happy or Do You Want To Be Right?

Are you the jailer or are you the prisoner? When we hold anger and resentments against others, we are both. On a psychic level, we imprison them (and ourselves) by holding on to and indulging these negative feelings.

The next time you are angry with someone, just notice how your body is in tension - notice where the tensions are. Notice how these tensions are clamping down on and restricting the free flow of blood in your veins and arteries, and restricting your breathing. Vital nutrients and oxygen are not being distributed properly to your organs. You may find yourself breathing shallowly or heavily or hyperventilating; you might even be holding your breath. The tension may be in the stomach muscles resulting in nausea, indigestion, sour stomach, acid reflux, constipation or diarrhea. You could be tensing the sphincter and genital muscles and the muscles surrounding the organs in the lower part of the body. Your neck could be so stiff that you become dizzy or confused; vision can become blurred, and hearing can be effected by tension in the head and neck area. Heart problems, high and low blood pressure, strokes, and even hardening of the arteries could occur. There can be severe tension in the lower, middle and upper back, wrists, hands, and fingers. Chronic tension in these areas could result in serious, debilitating and life threatening illness. Tensions can appear anywhere in the body. It is interesting to see them as they move around. The more familiar you become with where you hold tensions the more easily you can, with practice, locate and relax tensions that are causing problems in your body.

Chronically angry and resentful people can and do become quite ill because the organs, including the brain, are not receiving the proper oxygen and nutrients they need to function properly. Imagine what that does over your lifetime. Where do you hold the most tension? Breathe through the nose into that area a few times to relax the muscles there. Notice the difference in how you feel.

Many medical and alternative healing modalities teach that where illness occurs in the body is directly related to habitual negative thinking where tension from long held negative beliefs and resentments exist.

Regularly practicing forgiveness and the relaxation of tensions in the body can help to free you from debilitating habitual negativity. Practice forgiveness daily - learn to forgive others and to forgive yourself. When you find yourself thinking angry, resentful thoughts about people, stop to take a few minutes to look at what is going on inside your body and in your thoughts. Notice who you are angry with - who are you resenting? Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right? If you want to be happy, forgive. Close your eyes and visualize the person you are angry with say the Forgiveness Prayer (affirmation)below. As you say it you may notice varying degrees of resistance to forgiving them and letting go of the tensions. Don't worry about this or fight with it - just listen to all the reasons or excuses for not forgiving them - allow it to be and to give you all the information it has about the issues you have with this person. After a few minutes, if you are not able to release the tension and forgive them, just say, "I forgive myself." and stop the session. Leave it there and go do something else. During the coming hours you will notice a shift in the way you are thinking and feeling about the anger at that person. The issues may not seem so important now. Perhaps you would rather be free of the restricting tension? Come back to the prayer/affirmation for this particular person when you feel ready to try again. Each time you try, you will notice a positive shift in your thinking about the person and the situation and yourself.

Just keep practicing the prayer/affirmation, eventually it will become easier and you will be able to let go sooner. In the beginning you may just get more information about why you are angry, over time you will be able to forgive them and yourself for your own part in the issue. Do not try to force anything. If you try this for a few minutes and find you are not able to release the tension and negativity, don't worry, try again another time. Adding this to your daily practice of sitting meditation, walking meditation, journaling and relaxation exercises enhances the ability to forgive tremendously. With patient practice, you will be able to release others and yourself from your prison of anger, resentment and fear. Your life, health and relationships will improve in ways you can't possibly imagine.

If there are people in your life who intentionally or unintentionally continue to cause you pain and suffering regardless of how many adjustments you've made to accommodate them or how often you practice the affirmation, it may be time to alter the nature of the relationship. In some cases you may actually have to terminate those relationships for your sanity and well being. Continue to use the affirmation as you disengage. There is no need to hold on to that which makes you ill or kills your spirit or negates your Being. Forgive them and and yourself and set yourself free.

In some instances I have discovered that even when I believe it's best to end a relationship and have accepted that this will happen, practicing this prayer/affirmation has actually opened up new paths to healing for us rather than ending. The relationships change and grow in unexpected and more positive directions.

Profound changes can occur in relationships, individuals and entire communities we are connected with when we practice intentional forgiveness.

Affirmation/Prayer (adapted from Louis Hay's:How to Heal Your Life:

"I forgive you (say person's name) for not being as I wanted you to be. I forgive you and set you free; and I forgive myself."

"Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." Jesus Christ

Be at Peace,
Lalo