Kicking it aside like a bothersome little cur, one only wishes to be rid of this remorse of conscience, this eerie feeling that fills one's inner world in rare moments. At first the sensation of dawning remorse is a scary sort of feeling, an inkling, a momentary knowing that one is in serious error. In a flash you know, irrefutably, that you have behaved badly by committing acts based on incorrect beliefs, anger, meanness, jealousy, greed, self pity, egotistical pride, or not getting your way, etc. Whatever the trigger, you are stuck for a moment or two and your reactive actions as you wriggle around inside yourself to get free of the revelations, reactionary justifying and "rationalizing" of your bad behavior only digs you into deeper and darker places in self.
Regardless of what methods are used to resist experiences of remorse of conscience and how successful the reactive resistances in those moments are, the same remorse keeps coming back until addressed and dealt with properly. For some, remorse returns only from time to time as a niggling little itch, a teeny twitch of the stomach muscles. For others remorse remains close to the surface, begging at the door of Being, blocking entry to organic experiencing of one's life, keeping one in illusion. Resistance and false resolutions become permanent dark clouds that shadow everything in your life, driving the possibility of Transformation further and further away. Eventually everything in your life is destroyed by avoidance. Your chance at unconditional Love is murdered at your own ego's hand. You lose sight of the way out. Continual loss of Love is the only reward of avoidance. Soon you forget your true purpose because resistance to and avoidance of the experiencing of remorse of conscience forces one to dance, continually possessed, to negative tunes. One is unable to stop dancing about, blown uncontrollably this way and that like the dancer in the fairy tale, The Red Shoes.
Drink, drugs, the quest for someone to lose yourself in, sex, food, shopping, conquering, killing, maiming, and harming others, lusting after riches, inane onanistic addictions such as incessant telephoning, texting, gossiping, computer usage, TV watching, video gaming, church and religion hopping, excessive proselytizing, hypochondria, doctor shopping, and any other activity in which one engages to 'lose' oneself, or to "pass the time" are all avoidance activities and tactics. Chronic lying, fault finding, blaming others, the use of slander and innuendo to cover one's butt and the internal "accountant's" accountings created by false 'i's" - those internal desperadoes - those little "voices in the head brain" that stem from real or imagined pain bodies. These are all desperate attempts to escape the inescapable - the experience of real remorse - raw, naked, and truly irrefutable.
Sadly, one has no clue as to what one is throwing away by allowing all this to go on. One allows the idiot head brain to tell the usual lies instead of doing the work to find out for oneself. Some try to ignore the experience of remorse of conscience, preferring instead to pay with ulcers, irritable bowl syndrome, chronic anxiety, cancer, mental "illness", and or other, (often life threatening) dis-eases. By midlife many suffer several of these dis-eases at the same time - so big has the problem become. Many shrivel up inside, unable to breathe as they drown in a sea of negative emotions simply to avoid seeing remorse through from beginning to right end. Making things right, paying back, admission of error, simply saying, "I am sorry." and asking for forgiveness is seemingly, the hardest thing to do for so many people. Instead, new "devils" are created. Genuine Unconditional Love is sacrificed for illusion. Only poor shows of false love are possible for those who do not allow sincere remorse of conscience into their Human experience.That kind of love has no sticking power. It is fluff blown away on the next breeze.
Stay,
Stand Still,
BE
Claim Your Life,
Listen, Obey,
Submit to God.
Allow yourself to experience remorse of conscience, come to know and understand it in yourself as well as you know your ABC's and 1 2 3's . Develop a taste for it. Acknowledge and welcome it's valuable lessons.
Strive to be sinless against self and others.
Own your own Remorse.
Wear it proudly, this Ermine Robe, this Gift of Redemption given by the All.
Practice saying, "I Am Sorry."
Practice meaning it.
Listen for the True Sound ringing in your Heart that comes when the words are spoken honestly and sincerely.
See what happens then. Stick around. Glue your feet to the ground and see the new beginnings, no matter what.
Be brave. No jiving and shucking here will do if you are ever to be Master of Self.
Help God.
Help Your-self
Help HUmanity
Have yourself a Merry Little Christ Mass.
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"To possess the right to the name of ‘man,’ one must be one. And to be such, one must first of all, with an indefatigable persistence and an unquenchable impulse of desire, issuing from all the separate independent parts constituting one’s entire common presence, that is to say, with a desire issuing simultaneously from thought, feeling, and organic instinct, work on an all-round knowledge of oneself—at the same time struggling unceasingly with one’s subjective weaknesses—and then after-wards, taking one’s stand upon the results thus obtained by one’s consciousness alone, concerning the defects in one’s established subjectivity as well as the elucidated means for the possibility of combating them, strive for their eradication without mercy towards oneself."
G. I. Gurdjieff, Beelzebub’s Tales to His Grandson, New York: Harcourt, Brace & Company, 1950, p. 1209.
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BE Peacable
BE LOVE
BE
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