Where am I in relation my work today?

I picked up Life Is Real Only Then, When I AM  (by G.I. Gurdjieff) this morning to look for some help before moving into my day of outer work around the house. As I started to leaf through the pages looking for the table of contents, the page fell open to the prologue which appeared to be speaking directly to the question I have:”Where am I in relation to my inner work today?” I thought I’d share it here. Hopefully it will be useful to you as well.

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“I am…? But what has become of that full sensing of the whole of myself, formerly always in me in just such cases of self questioning during the process of self remembering…

Is it possible that this inner ability was achieved by me thanks to all kinds of self-denial and frequent self-goading only in order that now, when its influence for my Being is more necessary even than air, it should vanish without a trace?

No! This cannot be! …

Something here is not right!

If this is true, then everything in the sphere of reason is illogical.

But in me is not yet atrophied the possibility of actualizing conscious labor and intentional suffering! …

According to all past events I must still be.

I wish! … and will be!!

Moreover, my Being is necessary not only for my own personal egoism but also for the common welfare of all humanity.

My Being is necessary to all people; even more necessary to them than their own felicity and their happiness of today.

I wish to be … I still am!”

“This fantastic soliloquy proceeded in me on the 6^th of November, 1927 early in the morning of one of the Montmartre night cafés in Paris when, tired to exhaustion from my “black” thoughts, I had decided to go home and there once more to try whether I might perhaps succeed in sleeping at least a little. …”

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Gurdjieff then goes on to give an account of his state at the time of writing this book and what lead up to it. Perhaps, here, in this prologue left by our dear old rascally teacher, we can find some clues in relation to our own question of “Where am I in relation to my inner work today?” It is certainly worth re-reading.

You Are A Sleeping Machine

The truth is hard to hear.

The ego is in denial of reality all the time.

The moment it gets a glimpse of itself, it starts the "blame game"; often beginning with whoever or whatever gave it the opportunity to see itself - clearly - in action for a moment or two. It goes into kill mode trying to ensure it won't happen again.

After all, it wants you to stay in your comfort zone - that is it's cozy little home.

I see you staring daggers.
False love turns to false hate in the same breath my friend.

Don't shoot the messenger.
The messenger may be your only true friend.

She appears at the behest of your real wish to BE.

Be Calm in the midst of that ego tantrum.
Watch it wiggle and squirm.
Don't be taken in or frightened by its lies.
Shed that snake's "skin".

Then, you will see who you really are under there.
That's the road to Freedom.
Begin to BE Free for the first time in your life.
This is my Prayer for you.

Peace and Blessings,
Peace and Blessings


Be Peace
Be Love
Be Listening
Be Watching
BE
~ by Laura Lopez, 3 July 2010
` por mi Alma

Gethsemene

Matthew 26:36 Then cometh Jesus with them (the disciples) unto a place called Gethsemane and saith unto the disciples, "Sit ye here while I go and pray yonder." 37 And he took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee and began to be sorrowful and very heavy. 38 Then saith he unto them, "My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death; tarry ye here and watch with me."  39 And he went a little farther and fell on his face and prayed saying, "Oh my Father, if it be possible let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will but as thou wilt." 40 And he cometh unto the disciples and findeth them asleep and saith unto Peter, "What, could ye not watch with me one hour? 41 Watch and pray that ye enter not into temptation; the spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak." 42 He went away again the second time and prayed saying, "O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from except I drink it, Thy will be done."
43 And he came and found them asleep again for their eyes were heavy. 44 And he left them and went away again and prayed the third time saying the same words.

Three Things: Power, Gossip and Intolerance _ Response to a comment

Wiseacrings:

I apologize for the tardiness of my reply to your comment (below) dated 21 April 2009. I watched the film to be sure of my response to you.

You are right, "the story continues", stories always continue, even after the film is over, even after “the end”. …but let’s back up a bit. I examined the scenes that came after the priest gave the sermon on gossip. Neither nun questioned him about the veracity of the story.

It is also true that we can “weave morality" or anything else to our advantage. I think this and the damage that can be caused by deliberately practicing this form of lying, is the point of this film.

The "Mother Superior" was not attempting anything so unselfish as to help the Parish Priest to see his subjectivity as you think. It is established in the opening scenes that she wants absolute power over this church and had obviously been enjoying it for some time before the new priest arrived. What we are seeing play out is a power struggle. The old nun is intolerant of anything she perceives as being out of step with her personal belief system. She micromanages everyone and at every turn she makes sure to let everyone around her knows who is in charge. She wants everyone to obey her, even the parish priest. In her mind the only aim of all of the subordinate nuns and all the children in their relationship to her is supposed to be to agree with her, or to remain invisible in her sight or out of her hearing range. The parish priest is quite the opposite.

What the young nun actually asks the priest after the Gossip sermon is:

Sr. James: “Was your sermon directed at anyone in particular?”

Priest: "What do you think?”

Sr. James: “Is it true?”

Priest: “What?”

Sr. James: “You know what I’m asking.” (She is referring to the accusations of the older nun)

Priest: “No.”

She questions him further during this scene about the "evidence" she and the older nun gathered. He explains his motives for his behavior with the boy to her satisfaction. She no longer doubts him - at this point. That she believes the Priest then brings on a harangue at her from the "Mothe Superior" during which she attacks Sr. James for being "gullible" and "naive".  After this terrible attack, Sister James doubts her own ability to discern reality from fantasy and doubts not only the priest again when she sees him walking through the hall hugging the boy, but herself.

Thank you for your comments Wiseacrings, 

Peace to you.