Should

Are you "shoulding" on yourself?

Louise Hay proposed a theory about the word should. She said she would strike it from our language because most people live their lives according to their belief systems about what they should do, be, say, have or should not do, be, say, have, etc. Very often the words "I should..." cause limiting and even crippling life choices and life styles that leave us miserable, unfulfilled and unhappy.

Have you ever paid attention to how many times you actually think the words "I should..." or use them in your day. We say things like, "I should have a better car." "I should break up with so and so because my friends/family don't like him/her." "I should make more money, then I will be popular, well liked etc." "I should be nicer to Ted because he is my boss." "I should have a nicer house." "I should do this" or I should do that".

What would happen if you replaced the words "I should" with the words "I could"?

Try it. Think of something you always say you "should.....". Now replace the words "I should..." with the words I could..." and see how that feels. Go back and forth from should to could a few times.

Do you see how much less stressed you feel or how your attitude changes when you change the thought and use the words "I could..."?

Now choose your most used "I should'" and replace it with "I will" or "I will not...". What happens
then? Go back and forth - " I should..." I will..." Isn't it interesting? For some of you it might feel like night and day.

What is more interesting is understanding where these ideas that we "should...." have, be, do, or want anything come from. Pay attention when you notice you've used the words "I should....." more and more often and you will begin to see that there is more behind the thought, "I should...". You will actually begin to see where the ideas, "I should..." come from. You will actually begin to see whole sections of your personal belief systems that are attached to and create that automatic "I should..." thoughts.

When I say belief systems I do not mean your religious belief systems - I mean your own personal belief systems you have stored in your head-brain that have been forming and becoming fixed in you since you were an infant to this present day. These belief systems have been automatically running your whole life for you and for the most part you are unaware of them. They blow you around from here to there like leaves on the wind every day without your being aware of them. Each "thought" appears to be the only thought and appears very real and original.

For instance - have you ever wondered why you are afraid of things, or why you can't stand custard, or why you don't like moustaches? If you could take your belief systems out of your head and lay them out on a table, you would see all the connections made from the a to b to c of each fear, anxiety, habit, or belief from the time before you were born to the present day - and you would see that many of the connections do not make sense in your present life any longer. They are remnants of the past that may have served you well when you were very little but are a hinderance now.

Example: You were walking across a street at age 2 with your parents and were yanked back with a big shout just as you were stepping off the curb. The yank hurt your arm and scared you and you thought your parent didn't love you at that moment. You looked up in pain through your tears, a giant (to a 2 year old) truck being driven by a man who wore a huge black mustache went thundering (to your 2 year old ears) by. At the same moment your parent yells, "Be Careful! That is dangerous!" Ever since then you have has an uneasy feeling when aound men who wore big black mustaches. Personally I am nervous when big trucks come too close to when I am outside or in my own car. LOL

Here is an example in the extreme: I knew couple who loved Star Wars and Star Trek. They watched the shows over and over from the time their son was an infant and allowed him to watch too. They spent very little time with him and time they did spend with him was spent begrudgingly. Most of the time they were all together the TV was on and he was placed in front of it. The "shoulds" his mother and father imposed on him didn't help: "Be quiet and watch TV. Leave me me alone, I'm busy, go play with your toys. You should be quiet, go to your room. You should not bother me/us/guests/adults. The childs room was decorated with Star Wars and Star Trek sheets, pillow covers, blankets, dark ominous posters covering all the walls, toy sci fi weapons of mass destruction - you name it. When I met him at age 6, the child believed he was a sci-fi character. He believed he had a brother who lived on another planet who came through a port that opened in his ceiling and visited him when he was sleeping. He believed they had great times together flying around the universe killing everything with weapons. Being an only child who was mostly left to amuse himself for hours and hours on end, eventually the imaginary brother came to visit during his waking hours too. In real life the child was terrified of everyone and could not get to sleep at night because he suffered from ssci-fi nightmares. Even when he was exhausted he was too afraid to sleep. The child carried imaginary and toy weapons and when he met people, pretended he was killing them. He "killed" me several times before he came to regard me as an ally. When he began kindergarten he tested at high levels but got low grades in his classes as his first semester progressed and was moved to a class for problem children. He became the brunt of cruel teasing at school because he told everyone he was an alien, challenged the other children to battles, and told them about his alien brother. Needless to say he could not make friends. I lived with and worked with this child several months on a 24/7 basis helping him to ease into the real world and teaching him how help himself to go to sleep with visualization and counting. By the time we parted company the imaginary brother was gone as was the need to kill everything and everyone in sight. He was more open to meeting people and calme enough to look at them to see who they were. He became very good at listenting to his real instincts and knew when someone was a nice person or one to stay away from. He'd begun to make nice friends who liked him very much. He became interested in the real world itself - the good, and the not so good... and he had begun to come to terms with his very dysfunctional parents and their erratic lifestyle.

So, my dears, a great deal of what you would see if you pulled your current belief systems out of your head-brains and laid them out for close examination would surprise and amaze you... and would explain a lot about why your life has been and is the way it is.

No one is to blame, it is no one's "fault" (another useless word we will look at some time). We just are where we are now, in this place at this time.

There are many methods for taking this closer look. I studied many over a period of 48 years which included Louise Hay's work, Fourth way work, Jungian therapy, and several other modalities. The practice of meditation and a great deal of reading and experimentation help me tremendously. I am a firm believer in the idea that we must verify everything for ourselves on an experiential level and I always have a choice and I can always choose Life and Love.

Just knowing why you think your own "I shoulds" and experimenting with changing the words to "I could" or "I will" can show you a lot about a situation if you feel stuck in life.

Try it, do an experiment and let me know how that works for you.

Peace