Your attitude and body language speak volumes about what you really think and feel; and you are more transparent than you realize. The reason so many people get by with lying all the time is that everyone agrees to go along for reasons of neediness or greed and far too many other reasons to list.
I am constantly amused and often saddened by this reality when working with new people. I met with a newish student recently and could see that she was thinking that she was superior to me intellectually. Her voice was literally dripping with superiority and disdain for me. I listened for awhile to see what was happening with her as she ran her usual litany of how people are mean to her and then the other litany that usually follows listing what she wants from people in her life. Toward the end of our hour together I told her in the most loving and kind tones: "I see you thinking you are superior. You are in for a rude awakening; narcissistic idiots often end up alone in life. Deal with this feature now or you will go on losing friends. You should have seen enough evidence of this by now. That is why you come here isn't it - always confused about why this one or that one no longer wishes to see you?"
She sniffed and turned her nose up as she hurried out the door; hatred toward me dripping off her leaving a stench in the room. She hadn't heard what she wanted to hear.
If you are reading this and think it's you - it probably is. Your work for this week is to do something kind for someone else every day this week with no thought of reward or recognition for the deed while sensing your face. (If you've been paying enough attention to know how to do that after a year and a half.) Do not speak to anyone of your special task, listen to the inner voices and make note of what they say as you go about your day.
Discovering your power doesn't mean you have to become a shit when you find it.
Be Well
Be Peace
BE
there's a social contract ... r.d. laing said in 'knots' "They are playing a game. They are playing at not playing a game. If I show them I see they are, I shall break the rules and they will punish me. I must play their game, of not seeing I see the game."
ReplyDeletewhat you shared is breaking the rules. of course once one is freed-up of one order or laws, such as this society-imposed lying, one might be free to "speak one's truth" however, at that point a higher order of laws comes into play - exterior considering, always. and i see from what you wrote, how you included that you presented it as lovingly as possible, that your action was informed by external considering for the person before you in the moment and what is for the best.
personally i think one of the things that is wrong with society is that people do not know how to give or receive criticism. gurdjieff makes it seem it is all about ego, but i usually think we don't learn how to correct each other and be corrected. in any case, your story illustrates both not knowing how to give or receive.
how can i help someone see what is obvious to me, how can i hold open the moment and invite someone to share a perspective. i spent lots of time with a teacher who strongly advocated carnegie's 'win friends and influence people' because it puts external considering first and brings the other person towards external considering in their own right.
i experiment with this too - yes, people react, which evidences i've touched on something real. once after over a year i got a telephone call from someone to resume our relating, but we never spoke about "the incident." but when i experiment it isn't to pose an ultimatum - for one thing, there's lots at stake, and, for another thing, i have to learn how to deliver such a message.
in the few instances when i have had the opportunity to lovingly as possible tell someone they talk all the time or don't listen or are inconsiderate or that they smell or that they are trading-off necessary health care because they prefer to live in squalor, sometimes there's even some openness where something gets through, though not always making a difference; but when i elicit pure reaction, i feel failure, loss, like i've sinned even. i hope that the person can digest what i said, that i did no harm. another title, erikson's 'insight and responsibility' - what is my role? because even though fools rush in where angel's fear to tread, my role is to somehow participate, no?
Hello 3hree:
ReplyDeleteSo nice to see you here again.
Thank you for your comments on this post. It is a very big responsibility to do what I described.
One has to be skilled enough to know when "breaking the rules" will bring extraordinarily positive results in a person's life. It is a delicate operation requiring much practice and unconditional love.
The objective is to help the "patient" to live - not to kill his or her spirit.
In this case the intention was to aid her in stepping *up* to the next rung on her own "Jacob's ladder".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacob%27s_Ladder
Be Well,
Be Peace :-) L.