Journal: Instructions for Mourning Properly

Grief is a very interesting experience.

Letting go... how does one do that? It's such a popular concept. Dime store advice and methodologies abound. Cast your net for five seconds and there it is, the perfect solution for what ails you. At least, a lot of words about how to cure what ails you. In reality it's best to arm oneself with all the information and theories one can, read everything on what happens during the mourning process and then walk through the fire- suffer until the suffering is over.

This is a natural process. Know you are suffering and why.   Be present as much as possible to what you are feeling, listen to what the mind is saying, it's sure to run through a million scenarios, memories and more. One can be a little self destructive during this time, especially if a lot of self blaming and guilt are attached. Be mindful of how the body is reacting to all this emotion and take care of it during the process.   Journal the experience - write it all down, the good, the bad and the ugly! Honor your feelings, allow yourself to feel. Be a drama queen/king, don't be a drama queen/king. See the drama queen/king in action Cry as much and for as long as it takes. Yell at God. (S/he won't get mad at you.) Take internal notes and pictures along the way, accept yourself as you are, in the most sincere way. Be gentle with yourself, experience what you are experiencing, Get help if you start to think dark thoughts or are drinking too much or relying on drugs to dull the pain.  Allow others to help. Claim your privacy when you need it. Go underground and listen.  Remember to come up for air once in awhile. Don't stay in there for too long (keep a calender) and remember to bathe and change your clothes once in awhile. When the fog begins to lift, be nice to yourself, don't push too hard - take baby steps. Remember to tell God you were sorry for yelling at him/her.


Studies have shown that there are five [basic] stages to mourning:   

• Denial, disbelief, numbness
• Anger, blaming others
• Bargaining (for instance "If I am cured of this cancer, I will never smoke again.")
• Depressed mood, sadness, and crying
• Acceptance, coming to terms with the reality of the situation

  "When someone we love is gone from our lives, it is as if a piece of us has been torn away. The loss rends the fabric of our lives and the wound must be repaired. Grief is that process by which our minds heal this hurt. For us to go on with our lives and again risk caring about others, we need to let go of those we love who are no longer with us. Through this process of mourning, we gradually accept the loss. We allow the dead to be gone from our lives.
At the end of mourning, there is still sadness, but it is a wistful sadness that is tempered by the happy memories that we still possess."  Glenn Brynes, Ph.D., M.D.

BE Good

BE Love