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"One of the best means for arousing the wish to work on yourself is to realize that you may die at any moment. But first you must learn how to keep it in mind."
~ G.I. Gurdjieff
I found this in ISOTM chapter 7 and felt it was speaking to me about how I feel about my inner work. It is about the octaves and how we rarely get to where we wish to go because of our habitual way of being in everything we do.
ReplyDelete"everything. After a certain period of energetic activity or strong emotion or a right understanding a reaction comes, work becomes tedious and tiring; moments of fatigue and indifference enter into feeling; instead of right thinking a search for compromises begins; suppression, evasion of difficult problems. But the line continues to develop though now not in the same direction as at the beginning. Work becomes mechanical, feeling becomes weaker and weaker, descends to the level of the common events of the day; thought becomes dogmatic, literal. Everything proceeds in this way for a certain time, then again there is reaction, again a stop, again a deviation. The development of the force may continue but the work which was begun with great zeal and enthusiasm has become an obligatory and useless formality; a number of entirely foreign elements have entered into feeling—considering, vexation, irritation, hostility; thought goes round in a circle, repeating what was known before, and the way out which had been found becomes more and more lost."
I feel this more and more even though I am working on myself some part of me senses the habitual pattern of thinking and attached emotional states, along with habitual sensations that I seek out to "confirm" what I think is " working on myself". Somewhere deep inside I know this to be false. How can I keep my work pure and sincere when everything I do attempts to create a habit in me which is based on the past?
This is a complaint often heard from those in and around the work who have been "working" according to their own bargains and agreements with the frightened, stupid and lazy parts of themselves - never fully trusting the guide or teacher.
ReplyDeleteThe moment one believes one knows more than the guides or teacher what he/she "should" be doing in the work he/she steps onto another path and becomes lost and falls into this abyss you describe. You have been lost in sleep, dreaming you have been "in the work" as "they" say.
That you now sense you have been going in the wrong direction is a blessing. Finally, with this new way of working, you are truly beginning to know how deep your sin was and your sleep is.
You ask: "How can I keep my work pure and sincere when everything I do attempts to create a habit in me which is based on the past?"
Please read the following as if you'd never heard of Gurdjieff before. Read it with new eyes.
*"The Gurdjieff Teaching
George Ivanovitch Gurdjieff (1866?-1949) was born in Russian Armenia. He spent years searching in Central Asia, North Africa, and other places for a hidden tradition whose traces he had encountered in youth. During this search he came into contact with certain esoteric schools. In the early 1900's he brought to Europe a teaching that he had developed from the results of this contact.
Gurdjieff's basic teaching is that human life is lived in waking sleep; transcendence of the sleeping state requires a specific inner work, which is practiced in private quiet conditions, and in the midst of life with others. This leads to otherwise inaccessible levels of vitality and awareness.
Though Gurdjieff's name has become familiar in recent years, the real nature of his work is still little known. The Way of Gurdjieff is an oral tradition. The understanding of his work can only be received by direct contact between teacher and pupil, and by the work of pupils together in organized groups. Under conditions of a special atmosphere of trust that can exist in such a group, people working together learn to face their own inner poverty and confusion. Working in this way, conscience is awakened along with consciousness. Consciousness, Conscience, and Sensation form the tripod upon which an integrated development of human potential must be based.
Gurdjieff prepared a nucleus of people to be able to transmit his teaching after his death. This nucleus with the assistance of others who have subsequently been prepared maintains a series of centers throughout the world where Gurdjieff's methods are practiced."
Make continuous sincere efforts. Be truthful about your work with your self and your mentor/guide and diligent in doing the tasks. Resist the laziness to slack off from inner work. Work in earnest. Resist habit in all its forms.
[*Credit: Excerpt written by R. Hodges, on comcast.net]